When men and women are both playing forward tee box and using handicap strokes do you use the one below it which says (women’s) difficulty on the card for both men and women, since that is the actual handicapping for those holes at that tee box. Or do the men still us the men’s handicapping which are on the other tee boxes (blue, white gold).
You use the actual handicap on the card for that hole. You do not use different handicaps for men and women on the same tee on the same hole. The handicap for each hole is for that hole, and not for the gender of the player.
It depends what format you're playing.
If you're playing Stableford, strokes will be applied using the hole handicap for that player's gender.
If you're playing Match Play, and the man and woman are playing against each other, the number of strokes given is based on the difference between the two player's course handicaps, and you would use the hole handicap based on the player who is receiving the strokes.